It’s International Women’s Day, and just over a week after Black History Month ended.
My thoughts today for those who have more privilege: Be quiet for a moment. Listen—listen to hear, to understand, to learn. Trust that those who ask for your support actually do know what they need, and do what you can to realize those needs.
Challenge racism and sexism and transphobia and bigotry. Pass the mic. Vote. Do your own work to undo your biases, however and wherever they appear.
Be less defensive, and lean into growth. Empower. Lift up.
We’re constantly bombarded with messaging about how we can be better, more efficient humans. Defy aging with this eye cream! Optimize your SEO for maximum views! Use this app to reach maximum productivity!
It’s exhausting.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be human. At one time, I thought that there a perfect version of myself that I needed to strive for, someone who had no flaws or feelings or difficulties. I thought that to be human was to reach the most unmarred of myself. If I could just TRY harder, I’d get there. And if I couldn’t bring myself to try hard enough, then there was something inherently wrong with me.
With time, my perspective has shifted. I’ve given myself grace. I am learning to lean into being a messy, inconsistent human who feels things deeply and makes mistakes and changes her mind and has good days and bad days. I’ve remembered that the urgent chant of “more! more! more!” is a toxic characteristic of white supremacy, and I’ve complained about being told to do more in the midst of a pandemic.
Perfectionism is poisonous
There have been two pieces of writing that have deeply influenced me this year. The first is this:
You are not a machine. You are more like a garden. You need different things on different days. A little sun today, a little less water tomorrow. You have fallow and fruitful seasons. It is not a design flaw. It is wiser than perpetual sameness. What does your garden need today?
If you expect a garden to “produce” things with the same regularity and sameness as a machine, you will be disappointed. If you try to maintain a garden the same way you would a machine, you will destroy it. The same is true of your body and emotional life. Give into your garden.
What both have in common is a recognition that striving for perfection — a mastery of everything, all at once, unendingly — is not only completely impossible, but will break us. We cannot achieve everything, and we can achieve no one thing perfectly.
Embrace your humanity
You and I are not machines. We were never machines. We are “child[ren] of the universe, no less than the trees and stars.” At one point, our ancestors spent all of their lives creating, whether it be shaping pottery or cooking or telling stories or making music or sewing. At one point, we remembered who we were.
You and I, we’re human. We are full of contradictions and limitations, and that is what gives us character and substance. That’s what makes us everything we are and, in a paradoxical way, perfect.
Remember to slow down. Embrace your full humanity. Tend your garden.
The weight of the world is heavy. We’re (still) fighting a pandemic in the midst of a civil rights movement, our leadership is questionable at best and destructive at worst, and there’s no end in sight.
Still, there are glimpses of joy to be found: thunderstorms, art, daily walks, magnolias, fireflies, backyard picnics with friends.
If you’re interested, here’s what I’ve been reading, listening to, and watching lately:
Today is Juneteenth, and I wanted to share some resources for white people that I’ve found helpful in my own journey of unlearning, growing, and understanding the complexity of racism in our society. If you have other resources to share, or questions not addressed here, feel free to share.
Black History
Black history is American history. It should be taught in schools — and not just in February during Black History Month. Here are some things you may not be aware of:
The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks: Henrietta, a Black woman, had cells taken without her consent or knowledge. They continue to be used in science labs across the globe.
The Confederate flag is also bad: it’s not a symbol of southern pride, but a symbol of slavery. Read the Confederate president’s full speech on why the Confederacy was created. (If you don’t want to read the whole thing, at least process this excerpt: “[The Confederate government’s] corner-stone rests upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition.”)
Black hair has been regulated in schools and workplaces for many, many years. YouTube has been a huge resource to me to better understand the care and celebration of Black hair. Start with this video!
Racial profiling and mass incarceration
13th, a film by Ava DuVernay, now streaming on Netflix
Public schools are largely funded by property taxes, and a history of discriminatory housing policies means many Black neighborhood schools do not have the same resources as those serving majority white students. Read this paper for more.
Things to Read and Listen to
Savage Inequalities: this book, about school inequities in the US, was a huge aha moment for me.
White Fragility: how can we, as white people, set our egos aside and do the hard work of changing the status quo that serves us at the expense of others?
The Ideology of Slavery: slavery was supported by every argument under the sun. Understand how the system was defended and how those arguments can apply to racial inequities today.
This is a time of intense internal reflection. In addition to condemning police violence against Black men and women, I’ve been thinking hard about my own role in upholding the status quo and racist institutions.
One of my personal goals to that end is to use my little platform to lift up amazing artists who happen to have brown skin.
This week, I am not posting any of my own art online; instead, I’m being intentional about exploring and sharing work by Black and brown artists. I have come across so many new-to-me artists — and the list continues to grow. Check out some of my favorites pieces (so far) above!
And this won’t be a temporary thing. I am committed to changing my behaviors in the long-term; it’s only through sustained efforts that personal and societal change is possible. While I am lifting up Black artists in my Instastories, I’m also saving the stories to my highlights so that they can be found in the future. I’ll also be more intentional moving forward about the artist voices I share here.
If you have suggestions — artists to check out and/or how I can better support marginalized groups — I’d love to hear.
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