The weight of the world is heavy. We’re (still) fighting a pandemic in the midst of a civil rights movement, our leadership is questionable at best and destructive at worst, and there’s no end in sight.
Still, there are glimpses of joy to be found: thunderstorms, art, daily walks, magnolias, fireflies, backyard picnics with friends.
If you’re interested, here’s what I’ve been reading, listening to, and watching lately:
I don’t really believe in fate — but if something makes sense to you, if it resonates in some way, then I say take it.
I’ve been an admirer of Glennon Doyle since I first came across her, though I can’t remember if it was via her TED talk or a podcast episode she did or somewhere else. Her approach to this “brutiful” (brutal + beautiful) life is equal parts realism, hope, and humor.
I follow her on Instagram, where she’s promoting her newest book. (Can’t wait to read it.) Today, she posted this:
I don’t think I’ve every really loved before because I’ve been shaping things. Maybe love is just the opposite of control. Because love implies trust. We only control things or people we don’t fully trust.”
About an hour later, I saw an illustration that spoke to exactly this same sentiment; see below. Art is by Joanne/@wonder_do
This has been a stressful month, and I have wrestled to maintain control over all the balls I’m juggling. Even minor things, like taking a photo of my artful mess, have been interrupted (that’s my cat seeking attention at the top of this post). The phrase “like herding kittens” comes to mind, both metaphically and semi-literally.
But back to the point — is there some grace in letting go, either in life or in love?
Maybe there’s some element of control in agreeing to give in to what will be — in saying, “Yes, I will do what I can and surrender the rest.” Either way, if holding on to that power, however small, isn’t working.. then there’s no harm in trying something else.
It’s been a very long time since I had the courage to write anything truly personal here. As I’ve hinted at before, this year has been an achingly difficult one, and I have had to endure some incredibly difficult situations that have ripped open excruciatingly painful wounds from the past, particularly from my childhood. The truth of it all is that I can’t – even for myself – find the words to express or sort through the emotional responses to this year.
I hope one day to be able to share without reservation my experiences in order to help those in similar circumstances, but today the pain is too raw and close, and words fail me.
We all have been in the midst of difficult situations – every last one of us. We are human, after all, and life is made of challenges to be overcome. Along the way we learn things, messages introduced when battling obstacles. In good moments, we tell ourselves that we are strong and resilient; in moments of fear or disappointment we whisper negative things to ourselves, words like “failure” and “incompetent”. And the funny thing is that, the longer we tell ourselves these unhappy things, the more firmly we come to believe it, regardless of whether or not it was ever true.
What have you been telling yourself, love? On my worst days, I find myself believing that I am stupid, unappreciated, invisible, and completely alone. I have felt guilty and angry and ashamed and unloveable. And I have cried many, many tears.
The reason I’m sharing this today is that I believe I am not alone in this inner struggle. This world can be harsh sometimes, and, I think, often leads us to think that if we are not perfect – if we are not skinny, tall, tan, young, brown-eyed, blue-eyed, or green-eyed enough; if we can’t paint like Rembrandt or van Gogh; if we aren’t that blogger who posts every other day with stories from an impossibly perfect life; if we don’t have smooth, glowing skin; if we can’t find love; if we have bad hair days; if we have troubles and concerns and worries – if we aren’t perfect enough, then we’re not good enough.
If you, sweet reader, have been struggling silently with these doubts about your own worth, I have a message for you, one that is far greater than any negative whisper you have ever told yourself. This message doesn’t come from me, but from all the love that makes up this beautiful Universe, something eternal and ever present, something that speaks only truth. It’s a message just for you, darling.
You are loved.
You – sweet, strong, kind, creative you – are perfect. You are good, and whole, and you are on the right path.
You are enough.
And all the love that makes up everything, the love that coaxes flower petals from tight buds, that makes the stars twinkle and the cicadas sing, that brings hope and joy and comfort to people around the globe, this love is enveloping you, holding you tightly in a big bear hug and filling you up with happiness and peace. It is holding you, now and always.
Breathe it in, beautiful. Trust it. Everything is going to be alright.
Repeat after me: I will give myself a moment or two of my own time. I will remember that I (and my mental, physical, and emotional health) am a priority. I will be gentle with myself.
I sit on my bed under a downy blanket, fighting procrastination. This past week has been a tough one for me. There have been several things which have been testing me mentally and emotionally and which have been completely preoccupying my mind. Deadlines are ever present. I’m exhausted and have not been treating my body well, resulting in further exhaustion.
What does one do in these situations? Do you, like I do, need reminding that it’s okay to take a step back, take a deep breath, and go slowly?
Sometimes, in all the hurry and bustle and must dos and should dos, I forget to take care of myself. I forget to send myself love, and I forget to be gentle with myself. If you are in a similar situation, dearest, remember that you are a top priority – those To Dos can wait for a moment while you dedicate some time to you.
For a short-term solution, take a quick break in the midst of work – it often allows one to come back refreshed and full of renewed energy. Struggling through a project or task may in fact prevent you from doing your best work or from accomplishing as much as you need to!
Try one or more of these little tricks to boost your spirits and your drive:
Make a cup of tea and sip it slowly
Read a blog post or two
Take a short walk outside
Have a conversation with your kids, spouse, or friend
Doodle or sketch
Stretch
Meditate for a few minutes, or simply close your eyes and focus on your breathing
Tidy the area around you – often a clear space helps create a clear mind
Make a list of 15 things to be grateful for
After a few minutes’ break, return to the task at hand and see if you are not more clear-headed and better able to focus. I suggest giving yourself at least five minutes of time each hour in order to re-center. Go on, treat yourself to some self-love!
Every one of us struggles with our identity at some point.
We question who we are and what we have to give to the world. We compare ourselves to others, and wonder if we truly are unique or if we are merely a drop in the ocean. We face criticisms and complaints from others and from ourselves, and sometimes our faith in who we are – and what purpose we have – is shaken.
We are often told that to recognize and accept the things we treasure about ourselves is immodest.
“I have beautiful eyes.” “I am a very good guitar player.” “I am intelligent.”
We can (and should!) accept and celebrate ourselves – and it is not at all wrong to love oneself or to be unafraid to admit it! We can certainly do so in a positive way free from narcissism and arrogance.
We judge our inner monologue
We are undoubtedly our harshest critics. There is a quote: “We judge others by their actions, and we judge ourselves by our intentions.”
Only we can see the inner workings of our mind; we experience our darkest thoughts and our most unkind feelings. We censor ourselves to the outer world, but are completely exposed to ourselves, and so we berate ourselves for harsh things we have not said and cruel things we have not done. We often judge ourselves for these unexpressed things – but how unfair that is! “We judge others by their actions, and ourselves by our intentions.”
Pay attention to the kind things you have done and the sympathetic words you have spoken, for actions speak so very much louder than words – especially words that are unsaid.
Be gentle with yourself
From today forward, be gentle with yourself. Show yourself love, kindness, and patience – as you would any dear friend. And remember these four Truths – for they are undoubtedly, absolutely, unchangingly true:
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