Being Present

How much of your own life, of your own thoughts, are you missing?

Whenever I travel and face limited digital connection, I realize just how much my online habits have taken over my life. Last August, I was in Tunisia with my now-husband, visiting his extended family for the first time. Cell and internet service was limited, so I spent the entire week unplugged. I couldn’t snap a photo of the beach and immediately post it, then inevitably get lost in social media updates — so I snapped the shot and then returned to the present, actually enjoying the water and the company.

Usually, any time I have a few seconds between tasks, or I am waiting for something, even for a few minutes, I reach for my phone. I scroll through Instagram, or type in some answers in the NYT crossword app. I check my email, knowing that it’s mostly newsletters I won’t read and won’t respond to, just for something to do. I’ll check the weather over and over.

You are a priority

For years, I have practiced paying attention to the tiny things, the bees and the ants and the clouds and neighborhood kids laughing. But rarely do I give myself that same time and attention.

Anne Lamott writes in her book Bird by Bird about how so much of writing is sitting down and waiting, listening, and seeing what arises. “If we just sit there long enough, in whatever shape, we may end up being surprised … Try to calm down, get quiet, breathe, and listen,” she says. Austin Kleon has a similar mantra, shared by a former writing teacher: “Apply ass to chair.” Put the distractions aside and show up for yourself and your art.

The creative process requires us to be present. How much inspiration and intuition are we missing by keeping ourselves distracted? Why do we spend so much time avoiding what is right in front of us, or what is going on within us?

How I practice being present

“There is ecstasy in paying attention,” Anne writes. But to pay attention, to find that ecstasy, we have to tear ourselves away from all the things — TV, social media, notifications, news — that are tearing us away from ourselves.

I’m still learning how to be more present (and unlearning toxic avoidance), but here’s what works for me:

1. Embrace the discomfort. When we are used to being entertained and distracted every moment of every day, unplugging or sitting still is hard. I remind myself to sit with that discomfort, and not to run from it.
2. Get grounded. When I need to ground myself in the present, I do things that require me to be off my phone: get outside, go to the gym, meditate, or journal.
3. Get in the flow. I stop ruminating on the process or the shoulds, and start. I’ll put some paint on a page. Stick some collage down. Go full screen in a writing app and get some words out. If I show up, often the flow will follow.